I happen to be blessed with 3 (almost 4) really good little sleepers! Because of this, I often get asked "how do I get my baby/child to sleep through the night?" Obviously, I am not a doctor nor do I claim to be any sort of expert, but I have taken bits and pieces of info that I have read in books, and had a lot of experience with little ones. My first and shortest answer is always "let them cry it out and learn to self soothe!" Well, I know, it's MUCH easier said then done! Not to mention, that is what every doctor tells you to do and your first thought is either "You obviously don't have children" or "I've tried that..doesn't work...I need another solution!" The real truth is...you have tried it, but couldn't take it, so you want someone to tell you that there is some magic hug you can give your child that will make them sleep through the night...or maybe some magic sleeping potion that is totally safe and easy to get! No, there really is no such thing!
In my experience, there really IS only ONE solution...teach them to self soothe! Yes, that means let them cry it out! I have never attempted to do this before they turn 3 months old. I feel as though the first 3 months is the transition period for both mommy and baby to get acquanted and comfortable! When their newborns, they usually cry because their in pain, hungry, or need a diaper change. They don't yet have the strength the fight sleep yet, so when their tired, they fall asleep! So being over-tired doesn't usually seem to be the case w/ a newborn. I do believe that they can get really fussy when they are passed around a lot and over-stimulated. This, of course, can cause them to stay awake because they aren't left alone long enough to get comfortable and fall asleep.
I, personally, have never stressed over a schedule in the first 6 months. With my first baby (A.J.) I kept him a bassinet in our room for the first 8 months! Yes, I know, a little bit rediculous! After 4 months I was no longer nursing him, so I would wake up in the middle of the night to make him a bottle at the first little cry! After we moved him to his room at 8 months, he was still waking up every night and getting a bottle until he was a year old! The doctor finally told me that I needed to let him cry it out for 3 nights! He advised me to turn off his monitor and just let him be! Well, it was TORTURE! He was 1, stubborn, and strong-willed! The first two nights he cried for almost 2 hours! It was awful, but I knew he really didn't NEED anything...he just thought he did, but what he really NEEDED was to learn to sleep through the night! After 2 nights of hell, I was convinced there was NO WAY he was going to be sleeping through the night after just one more night of this! I gave it a shot though and by that third night, he only cried for 15-20 minutes and it wasn't even a very loud cry! FINALLY, by night 4 he was sleeping through the night and continues to be our very best sleeper!
With our 2 girls, Aleigh and Ansley, we lucked out and really had both of them sleeping through the night by 4-6 months w/out having to make them cry a whole lot. Ansley (our youngest daughter) is a lot more strong willed than Aleigh, so we did have to let her cry a little more, but it still wasn't too bad.
Now, we are going through the sleep training all over again with Austin who is now 8 months old and is still nursing! I haven't ever been able to nurse the others past 6 months so I am happy that my last baby is such a great nurser and plan to make it a whole year with him! However, this has been my excuse to go get him out of bed if he happens to wake in the middle of the night...he must be hungry, so I'll just nurse him real quick and put him back in bed! Well, he was sleeping through the night after 5 months old, so he obviously doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night at 8 months old. Since I have been guilty of giving in to him, I am now having to re-train him to sleep through the night! Now that he is older, he is more strong willed and cry's harder and longer when he wakes. Well, last night was the first night in 4 nights that I haven't heard him wake around 2 am and cry! So...again the 3 night trick worked!
Because Austin always fell asleep when I would nurse him during the day, it was easy to just lay him down and he would take a good nap. Well now that he is a little older, he has the strength to fight sleep even harder! With him being on solids now, I don't nurse him a whole lot anymore (just a few times a day), so he has been trying to fight sleep/naps! He doesn't have a blanket, stuffed animal, doesn't suck his thumb (like Aleigh did), doesn't take a pacifier (like AJ did), and doesn't suck on his fingers (like Ansley does), so...he has to learn to soothe himself during the day, just like he has learned during the night. He is soothed by being rocked, held, patted on the butt, or riding in the car, and mostly by being nursed, but these are not things that he is going to appreciate needing when he wants to fall asleep in his adult life!
I know that sounds silly, but I honestly believe that if a child can't figure out how to put themselves to sleep in a "normal" way, it will seriously affect them in their adult life! I know people how can't sleep if there is the slightest bit of light shining through their window or through the cracks of their bedroom door, and I know people who wake up if they hear a pin drop, or even people who have a hard time sleeping w/out some type of sleeping aid! My friends who have these issues say that they fully blame their parents for tiptoing around them when they were sleeping...thinking it had to be pitch black and dead silent! I always advise my friends not to turn off their ringers or whisper when their kids are sleeping! Let them learn to sleep in normal, every day situations and they will be better sleepers! Especially w/ your first born, because when that second baby comes and cries while the older one is trying to sleep...then you have two kids who are exhausted and crying instead of just one! I have a friend who has that very problem! I think I would lose my mind...seriously lose my mind, if I couldn't get all of my kids to go to sleep and stay asleep at night!
10 MINUTE RULE:
So, just this afternoon, I noticed that Austin was really tired! He wasn't happy in his walker, playing on the floor or playing in his saucer. I knew he wasn't hungry because I had just fed him a jar and a half of food and nursed him! He was reaching for me and trying to get me to nurse him again because that is what soothes him. I wasn't about to nurse him just so he would fall asleep! So I knew the only solution was to just put him in his bed! He started crying right away. I shut his door, and went to go do a load of laundry. I looked up at the clock and it was 3:10. If he was still crying that loud and consistantly after 10 minutes had passed, I would go get him and try rocking him for a minute, then lay him down and start the process all over. Well after just one minute, he stopped crying....for 12 seconds...but he stopped so i started the 10 minutes over again. Well after another minute went by he stopped again for about 30 seconds. Again I started the 10 minutes over. I could hear his cries starting to slow down. By 3:20 he was fast asleep! Even though I always go by the 10 minute rule, it was really hard today! I know it was because I was just one room over w/out any background noise so all I could hear was Austin crying! With every minute that went by it seriously felt like 15 minutes! I usually put him in his bed, go downstairs, and can't hear him very well with all of the noise from the rest of the family, so the 10 minutes go by fast and before I know it, he is fast asleep! I have heard my friends tell me that they let their baby/child cry for 30 minutes and they still didn't stop...not even for a few seconds! Well, I know that's possible, but I think it's a little bit of an exaggeration because when you sit there and listen to them cry, 1 minute can easily feel like 10 minutes if your not actually watching the time! The best thing you can do is find something else to occupy your time while your trying this, watch the clock or use a stop-watch. Just be sure to reset the 10 minutes every time they stop crying...even if it's just a 5 second pause! It has worked every time...so far! ;)
JUST REMEMBER:
- No baby has literally ever cried themselves to death
- Your doing a disservice to them by trying to interfere when they are trying to learn how to sleep! (you can't go to preschool/kindergarten w/ them and rock them or rub their backs during nap time and, trust me, the teachers don't do this either and they eventually always go to sleep on their own).
- If your baby/child is healthy, fed, changed, and you know he/she is tired...LEAVE THEM ALONE! The best thing you can do for them is let them get their sleep and then both mommy and baby will be happier!
The above are all things that I have to tell myself when I hear my baby crying! Believe me, even with my fourth child, it's not easy to hear him cry but I know it's for his own good and he will thank me one day for teaching him how to be a good sleeper! Besides, I never let him cry consistantly for longer than 10 minutes! 10 minutes of crying isn't hurting him!
