I happen to be blessed with 3 (almost 4) really good little sleepers! Because of this, I often get asked "how do I get my baby/child to sleep through the night?" Obviously, I am not a doctor nor do I claim to be any sort of expert, but I have taken bits and pieces of info that I have read in books, and had a lot of experience with little ones. My first and shortest answer is always "let them cry it out and learn to self soothe!" Well, I know, it's MUCH easier said then done! Not to mention, that is what every doctor tells you to do and your first thought is either "You obviously don't have children" or "I've tried that..doesn't work...I need another solution!" The real truth is...you have tried it, but couldn't take it, so you want someone to tell you that there is some magic hug you can give your child that will make them sleep through the night...or maybe some magic sleeping potion that is totally safe and easy to get! No, there really is no such thing!
In my experience, there really IS only ONE solution...teach them to self soothe! Yes, that means let them cry it out! I have never attempted to do this before they turn 3 months old. I feel as though the first 3 months is the transition period for both mommy and baby to get acquanted and comfortable! When their newborns, they usually cry because their in pain, hungry, or need a diaper change. They don't yet have the strength the fight sleep yet, so when their tired, they fall asleep! So being over-tired doesn't usually seem to be the case w/ a newborn. I do believe that they can get really fussy when they are passed around a lot and over-stimulated. This, of course, can cause them to stay awake because they aren't left alone long enough to get comfortable and fall asleep.
I, personally, have never stressed over a schedule in the first 6 months. With my first baby (A.J.) I kept him a bassinet in our room for the first 8 months! Yes, I know, a little bit rediculous! After 4 months I was no longer nursing him, so I would wake up in the middle of the night to make him a bottle at the first little cry! After we moved him to his room at 8 months, he was still waking up every night and getting a bottle until he was a year old! The doctor finally told me that I needed to let him cry it out for 3 nights! He advised me to turn off his monitor and just let him be! Well, it was TORTURE! He was 1, stubborn, and strong-willed! The first two nights he cried for almost 2 hours! It was awful, but I knew he really didn't NEED anything...he just thought he did, but what he really NEEDED was to learn to sleep through the night! After 2 nights of hell, I was convinced there was NO WAY he was going to be sleeping through the night after just one more night of this! I gave it a shot though and by that third night, he only cried for 15-20 minutes and it wasn't even a very loud cry! FINALLY, by night 4 he was sleeping through the night and continues to be our very best sleeper!
With our 2 girls, Aleigh and Ansley, we lucked out and really had both of them sleeping through the night by 4-6 months w/out having to make them cry a whole lot. Ansley (our youngest daughter) is a lot more strong willed than Aleigh, so we did have to let her cry a little more, but it still wasn't too bad.
Now, we are going through the sleep training all over again with Austin who is now 8 months old and is still nursing! I haven't ever been able to nurse the others past 6 months so I am happy that my last baby is such a great nurser and plan to make it a whole year with him! However, this has been my excuse to go get him out of bed if he happens to wake in the middle of the night...he must be hungry, so I'll just nurse him real quick and put him back in bed! Well, he was sleeping through the night after 5 months old, so he obviously doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night at 8 months old. Since I have been guilty of giving in to him, I am now having to re-train him to sleep through the night! Now that he is older, he is more strong willed and cry's harder and longer when he wakes. Well, last night was the first night in 4 nights that I haven't heard him wake around 2 am and cry! So...again the 3 night trick worked!
Because Austin always fell asleep when I would nurse him during the day, it was easy to just lay him down and he would take a good nap. Well now that he is a little older, he has the strength to fight sleep even harder! With him being on solids now, I don't nurse him a whole lot anymore (just a few times a day), so he has been trying to fight sleep/naps! He doesn't have a blanket, stuffed animal, doesn't suck his thumb (like Aleigh did), doesn't take a pacifier (like AJ did), and doesn't suck on his fingers (like Ansley does), so...he has to learn to soothe himself during the day, just like he has learned during the night. He is soothed by being rocked, held, patted on the butt, or riding in the car, and mostly by being nursed, but these are not things that he is going to appreciate needing when he wants to fall asleep in his adult life!
I know that sounds silly, but I honestly believe that if a child can't figure out how to put themselves to sleep in a "normal" way, it will seriously affect them in their adult life! I know people how can't sleep if there is the slightest bit of light shining through their window or through the cracks of their bedroom door, and I know people who wake up if they hear a pin drop, or even people who have a hard time sleeping w/out some type of sleeping aid! My friends who have these issues say that they fully blame their parents for tiptoing around them when they were sleeping...thinking it had to be pitch black and dead silent! I always advise my friends not to turn off their ringers or whisper when their kids are sleeping! Let them learn to sleep in normal, every day situations and they will be better sleepers! Especially w/ your first born, because when that second baby comes and cries while the older one is trying to sleep...then you have two kids who are exhausted and crying instead of just one! I have a friend who has that very problem! I think I would lose my mind...seriously lose my mind, if I couldn't get all of my kids to go to sleep and stay asleep at night!
10 MINUTE RULE:
So, just this afternoon, I noticed that Austin was really tired! He wasn't happy in his walker, playing on the floor or playing in his saucer. I knew he wasn't hungry because I had just fed him a jar and a half of food and nursed him! He was reaching for me and trying to get me to nurse him again because that is what soothes him. I wasn't about to nurse him just so he would fall asleep! So I knew the only solution was to just put him in his bed! He started crying right away. I shut his door, and went to go do a load of laundry. I looked up at the clock and it was 3:10. If he was still crying that loud and consistantly after 10 minutes had passed, I would go get him and try rocking him for a minute, then lay him down and start the process all over. Well after just one minute, he stopped crying....for 12 seconds...but he stopped so i started the 10 minutes over again. Well after another minute went by he stopped again for about 30 seconds. Again I started the 10 minutes over. I could hear his cries starting to slow down. By 3:20 he was fast asleep! Even though I always go by the 10 minute rule, it was really hard today! I know it was because I was just one room over w/out any background noise so all I could hear was Austin crying! With every minute that went by it seriously felt like 15 minutes! I usually put him in his bed, go downstairs, and can't hear him very well with all of the noise from the rest of the family, so the 10 minutes go by fast and before I know it, he is fast asleep! I have heard my friends tell me that they let their baby/child cry for 30 minutes and they still didn't stop...not even for a few seconds! Well, I know that's possible, but I think it's a little bit of an exaggeration because when you sit there and listen to them cry, 1 minute can easily feel like 10 minutes if your not actually watching the time! The best thing you can do is find something else to occupy your time while your trying this, watch the clock or use a stop-watch. Just be sure to reset the 10 minutes every time they stop crying...even if it's just a 5 second pause! It has worked every time...so far! ;)
JUST REMEMBER:
- No baby has literally ever cried themselves to death
- Your doing a disservice to them by trying to interfere when they are trying to learn how to sleep! (you can't go to preschool/kindergarten w/ them and rock them or rub their backs during nap time and, trust me, the teachers don't do this either and they eventually always go to sleep on their own).
- If your baby/child is healthy, fed, changed, and you know he/she is tired...LEAVE THEM ALONE! The best thing you can do for them is let them get their sleep and then both mommy and baby will be happier!
The above are all things that I have to tell myself when I hear my baby crying! Believe me, even with my fourth child, it's not easy to hear him cry but I know it's for his own good and he will thank me one day for teaching him how to be a good sleeper! Besides, I never let him cry consistantly for longer than 10 minutes! 10 minutes of crying isn't hurting him!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
How Do You Teach COMPASSION To A Child
A good friend of mine recently expressed concern over the fact that her 2 year old daughter doesn't seem to care when she pushes/hits/hurts someone. She explained how she makes her apologize after explaining that it's not nice to hurt someone but worries that it doesn't seem to phase her! She looks the other way or laughs and then runs off.
My husband (Joe) and I were both standing there when as she shared her feelings about this. After explaining that she wasn't sure what to do, she asked "How do you teach your child compassion?" The question caught me off gaurd so I looked puzzled and said "hmmm...not sure other than hoping that they learn it by watching you." This seemed like a strange response and didn't make much sense because this friend of mine would feel guilty for killing a fly! She is SO sweet and definitely doesn't have a problem showing compassion! I then looked up at Joe and said "Babe...how do you teach compassion?" He kind of blew off the question and shrugged as if he wasn't really sure either.
When we left my friends house, Joe said "I didn't want to cross the line or say anything offensive because I don't know how your friend is around kids all the time, but you teach compassion by making a BIG deal to point out what a child has done and how they have hurt someone or helped someone! You make a STRONG point by making them try to make things better for the child they have hurt! YOU, as the parent, make a BIG deal when you see someone sad or hurt by going over and offering a helping hand! They see these things and their own compassion will kick in!" It made perfect sense to me! I think this seems to come naturally to some kids, with others it can probably take a little more effort!
Since this question has been asked and is fresh in my mind, I am paying closer attention to how we show our children compassion and how we are teaching our kids compassion! Just last Saturday, while at the neighborhood pool, my heart beamed with pride as I watched my 2 year old daughter display compassion for another little girl!
Ansley was in sitting on the pool steps while another mom gathered up her 3 small children along with all of their towels and swim toys! I noticed Ansley holding a little airplane water toy and knew it wasn't hers. Before I could say anything Joe noticed it and said "Ansley can you give the airplane back to Cara? That's her toy! Tell her Thank You for sharing with you!" So this sweet little girl who was probably about 2 or 3 meets Ansley half way with her big beach towel wrapped around her. Ansley gives her the toy back and says "Thank You Cara! Bye bye!" As Cara turns around she steps on part of her towel, trips and falls! Ansley starts to run over to her but freezes when she see's Joe quickly help Cara get back up and ask her if she's ok, then helps wrap her towel back around her. As she starts to walk away, Ansley catches up to her, puts her hand on her shoulder, meets her at eye level and says "You ok Cara!" and gives her a big hug! She then pats her on the back and says "It's ok!" and then she stands there and watches Cara walk over to her mom, as if to make sure she got there ok w/out falling again! Cara just kind of looked at Ansley like she didn't know how to react. It was SO sweet! Ansley had just met this little girl 20 minutes before this happened! Joe and I made it a point to go over to Ansley and praise her for her compassion towards Cara! AJ and Aleigh praised her as well! Ansley just grinned from ear to ear! It warmed our hearts to see how good Ansley felt about showing such compassion!
Keep in mind, Ansley has an older brother and sister (unlike my friends daughter who is the first born), so she has other examples to watch. They show her lots of compassion...especially when she gets in trouble! It's not easy telling the older two not to hug and comfort Ansley when she is in trouble. Ansley knows how to work the room when she's upset after getting into trouble! She will literally cry and walk up to everyone in the room! It doesn't ALWAYS work, but too often it does when her big brother or sister are around! What I didn't realize before is, this is just another way Ansley is learning compassion! It seems to go both ways. When AJ or Aleigh are crying after getting in trouble Ansley will go up to them, rub their back and say "Is Ok!" and she will give them hugs and kisses and stay there until they calm down! Infact, today Aleigh was counting her money on the couch and AJ tried to snatch up her money. He was only trying to push her buttons, but it made me mad because he wasn't being a very good example for Ansley! I calmly told him to give it back and he kind of laughed. When he didn't do what I asked, I yelled at him to give it back! He got mad that I yelled at him and let out a frustrated sound! Ansley puts her arm around AJ's neck and says "Is ok AJ! I give you a hunded dollus!" We all burst out in laughter!!!
I am sure my friends daughter will have no problem showing compassion towards others after she continues to watch her mommy and daddy! Everyone learns at a different pace and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I think it's great to see your child learn valuable lessons at an early age, but just because they haven't picked up on certain things when you want them to, doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong! Lead by example and they will pick up on ALL things (good and bad)...eventually! ;) Kids sure know how to keep us on our toes! LOL!
My husband (Joe) and I were both standing there when as she shared her feelings about this. After explaining that she wasn't sure what to do, she asked "How do you teach your child compassion?" The question caught me off gaurd so I looked puzzled and said "hmmm...not sure other than hoping that they learn it by watching you." This seemed like a strange response and didn't make much sense because this friend of mine would feel guilty for killing a fly! She is SO sweet and definitely doesn't have a problem showing compassion! I then looked up at Joe and said "Babe...how do you teach compassion?" He kind of blew off the question and shrugged as if he wasn't really sure either.
When we left my friends house, Joe said "I didn't want to cross the line or say anything offensive because I don't know how your friend is around kids all the time, but you teach compassion by making a BIG deal to point out what a child has done and how they have hurt someone or helped someone! You make a STRONG point by making them try to make things better for the child they have hurt! YOU, as the parent, make a BIG deal when you see someone sad or hurt by going over and offering a helping hand! They see these things and their own compassion will kick in!" It made perfect sense to me! I think this seems to come naturally to some kids, with others it can probably take a little more effort!
Since this question has been asked and is fresh in my mind, I am paying closer attention to how we show our children compassion and how we are teaching our kids compassion! Just last Saturday, while at the neighborhood pool, my heart beamed with pride as I watched my 2 year old daughter display compassion for another little girl!
Ansley was in sitting on the pool steps while another mom gathered up her 3 small children along with all of their towels and swim toys! I noticed Ansley holding a little airplane water toy and knew it wasn't hers. Before I could say anything Joe noticed it and said "Ansley can you give the airplane back to Cara? That's her toy! Tell her Thank You for sharing with you!" So this sweet little girl who was probably about 2 or 3 meets Ansley half way with her big beach towel wrapped around her. Ansley gives her the toy back and says "Thank You Cara! Bye bye!" As Cara turns around she steps on part of her towel, trips and falls! Ansley starts to run over to her but freezes when she see's Joe quickly help Cara get back up and ask her if she's ok, then helps wrap her towel back around her. As she starts to walk away, Ansley catches up to her, puts her hand on her shoulder, meets her at eye level and says "You ok Cara!" and gives her a big hug! She then pats her on the back and says "It's ok!" and then she stands there and watches Cara walk over to her mom, as if to make sure she got there ok w/out falling again! Cara just kind of looked at Ansley like she didn't know how to react. It was SO sweet! Ansley had just met this little girl 20 minutes before this happened! Joe and I made it a point to go over to Ansley and praise her for her compassion towards Cara! AJ and Aleigh praised her as well! Ansley just grinned from ear to ear! It warmed our hearts to see how good Ansley felt about showing such compassion!
Keep in mind, Ansley has an older brother and sister (unlike my friends daughter who is the first born), so she has other examples to watch. They show her lots of compassion...especially when she gets in trouble! It's not easy telling the older two not to hug and comfort Ansley when she is in trouble. Ansley knows how to work the room when she's upset after getting into trouble! She will literally cry and walk up to everyone in the room! It doesn't ALWAYS work, but too often it does when her big brother or sister are around! What I didn't realize before is, this is just another way Ansley is learning compassion! It seems to go both ways. When AJ or Aleigh are crying after getting in trouble Ansley will go up to them, rub their back and say "Is Ok!" and she will give them hugs and kisses and stay there until they calm down! Infact, today Aleigh was counting her money on the couch and AJ tried to snatch up her money. He was only trying to push her buttons, but it made me mad because he wasn't being a very good example for Ansley! I calmly told him to give it back and he kind of laughed. When he didn't do what I asked, I yelled at him to give it back! He got mad that I yelled at him and let out a frustrated sound! Ansley puts her arm around AJ's neck and says "Is ok AJ! I give you a hunded dollus!" We all burst out in laughter!!!
I am sure my friends daughter will have no problem showing compassion towards others after she continues to watch her mommy and daddy! Everyone learns at a different pace and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I think it's great to see your child learn valuable lessons at an early age, but just because they haven't picked up on certain things when you want them to, doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong! Lead by example and they will pick up on ALL things (good and bad)...eventually! ;) Kids sure know how to keep us on our toes! LOL!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Why Do I Even Try....
I find myself asking this question when I am BEYOND frustrated...which is quite often when you have 4 kids to juggle! This is often why I don't start any projects, or anything at all for that matter that will keep my mind pre-occupied by anything other than my children! This has to be one of the MOST challenging things for me as a mom! Searching for time to do things that you are dying to get done! I have an amazing husband who does everything he can to help me! He does the majority of the laundry and the dishes which are constant, never ending jobs within themselves! He also does the yard work, scrubs the bathrooms, takes care of and entertains the kids, etc! Problem is...he works! LOL! Such a bummer that my help has to work his butt off to support us! ;) I appreciate him so much to work as hard as he does by, literally, shaping children's lives with what he does for a living! I am very proud of him! I try to give him breaks and encourage him to have his poker nights with the guys. He, as well, tries to give me as much of a break as possible...when he can! Since that opportunity doesn't present itself very often for me, I do my best to do what I can WHEN I can!
Today was just another one of those reminders! A reminder that I get, at least, 3 times a week! My older 2 kids have had friends over all week long, which only means my 2 year old is even more demanding for entertainment from me! This morning seemed to start off great! Kids slept in until about 10 am and no friends were coming over! This meant we might get an opportunity to go get some errands done and shop for Fathers Day! I also thought I might try to make AJ's cookie cake for his birthday party tomorrow!
After feeding the kids breakfast, bathing my 2 year old (while the baby fussed in his bed...hoping he would go to sleep but no such luck), helping everyone w/ their needs and demands, I FINALLY was able to get in the shower by about 1:00! By the time I was ready...which never means I get a solid block of time to get ready because it happens in stages when you have constant distractions....it was almost time to get ready to leave for karate classes! We all needed lunch! So I feed the kids lunch, then spoon feed the baby, then grab a quick bite for myself. Just as I realize I have a few last minute things to do, my husband calls and asks me to bring him his bag. After an immediate distraction from my 2 yr old, I forget what it was he needed me to do! As soon as I remember, phone rings again. This time he is asking me to make him something to eat...10 minutes before we need to start loading up the van to go to karate! I tell him we don't have anything in the house that I can fix real quick so I will have to stop and pick something up for him! Well after the 20 minutes it takes to load up the kids and all of the stuff they need, we are finally pulling out of the driveway! I look down and realize my gas light is on! I don't have 2 minutes to spare, much less the 10 that it will take to put gas in my car!
So we get to karate class just in time! After I drop the older 2 off for class...because our 2 year old doesn't allow me to sit and watch (she is a very loud child and extremely energetic...to say the least)...I head to my parents house to pick something up! My dad had picked up a wireless card for the computer he handed down to AJ (my 9 yr old). We told AJ that he had to pay for the wireless card if he wanted Internet on his computer (which he isn't allowed to have in his room - it's in the dining room). So I took my dad AJ's money, got the card, tried to have a conversation w/ my parents while dealing with Ansley (my wild 2 yr old) who kept feeding toys to the dogs, wiped chocolate all over her clothes, and had a very messy diaper! On my way back to the karate center to pick up the kids I started thinking how nice it was going to be to have my husband home early tonight when he called to "remind" me that he had a special boot camp karate class to instruct tonight! There goes that little piece of relief!
Once I pick up the kids, we discussed where we should go to get fathers day gifts! We settled on Target. I often make Target or Wal Mart my place of choice when it comes to shopping because they have carts where I can keep more than one kid confined and they usually have the majority of what I need! Target has the $1.50 popcorn combo (popcorn and a soda). This is a major distraction for Ansley (my 2 yr old)! I can USUALLY get her to sit in the back of the cart w/ her popcorn and put Austin in the front! She fought me on this today, but I made her stay there and she eventually got over it! She is VERY loud, but I have become somewhat numb to it while in public! I just have to let her pitch her fit and ignore the looks I get! We did our best to get through Target as quickly as possible! The trip itself wasn't too bad, even though Ansley kept trying to climb out of the cart and the baby was somewhat fussy...but believe me, that's a good trip to the store! ;)
So when we left it was 7pm...haven't fed the kids dinner yet! Have nothing quick to fix for dinner at home and home was still another 20 minute drive! So we grab chicken sandwiches at chickfila! Baby cries all the way home (off and on), but is happy as a clam as soon as we get home and I pick him up! AJ is anxious to get the Internet hooked up to his computer. I figured this would be a quick install so ...here I go...trying to start a project with all 4 kids practically on top of me! Ansley hardly let 30 seconds go by w/out sitting in my lap! For a solid 45 minutes I tried to get the Internet to connect! I am getting more and more frustrated, the kids are getting more and more frustrated, and finally I say "Forget it!!!" I grab the baby, warm up some food for him, and try to feed him and keep him from crying due to being both hungry and over-tired! Poor baby! While feeding him, Ansley is pulling on my arm, hanging on my leg, and trying to climb in my lap while DEMANDING my undivided attention! Thank goodness for Aleigh and AJ who help me to distract her and get her pajamas on. After getting Austin cleaned up and put in his pajamas, he is more than ready for bed, but wants to nurse. So I try to nurse him while the other 3 are wrestling on the floor and being way too loud! I tell them I am going upstairs to nurse Austin in peace!
I sat in the rocking chair in my room and enjoyed the temporary silence. As I sat there I was FULL of anxiety and frustration! As I looked around my room I saw piles of stuff that was waiting to be organized, an un-made bed, both clean and dirty clothes everywhere, toys and sippy cups that have been dragged in and left on my floor, and baskets full of ribbon and hair bow tools! The ribbon unraveled and hanging out of the baskets, the tools scattered all over my floor (thanks to my little Ansley ;)), and my jewelry everywhere (Ansley's favorite thing to get into)! I can't help but want to sit there and cry because I HONESTLY don't know when I am going to get a chance to sit down and organize things! I start to feel hopeless, like no matter what I do or try to do I just can't seem to escape chaos!
So the baby is fast asleep and I lay him down in his bed. When I get back downstairs the kids are screaming and acting crazy! I know that I have to get, at least, Ansley to bed or I am going to pull my hair out! I tell her that it's time to get ready for bed and she FREAKS OUT! It was beyond ridiculous, so as I tell her that she is showing me that she is ready to go to bed now, I pick her up and carry her to bed! She is screaming as if I were beating her! This, of course, wakes up the baby who I had finally put to bed! I kiss Ansley put her in bed and shut the door. When I get back downstairs all I want to do is sit down...alone...and listen to silence! Instead I have a 6 year old and a 9 year old who literally want to sit on me in the living room chair! I try to gently explain to them that I have had a hard night and need for them to give me a little space and let me get some work done on the computer (so I can blog). This hurts my sons feelings! He goes over to the couch and looks as though he is going to cry! Aleigh sits with him and they start watching tv. So I sit here feeling frustrated, and incredibly guilty! Both babies are upstairs crying in their beds, and the older two sit on the couch feeling rejected by me!
I feel terrible! I wonder why I even try to do anything other than take care of and entertain my kids! How do women do this?! I mean seriously? How do you be both an attentive parent and good housekeeper? I, personally, don't think you can be both! My Aunt gave me some advice while I was pregnant with my first. She said "Don't try to shovel the walk while the snow is still falling! Remember that stuff is just STUFF! Play with your kids, love them, hold them and cherish the time you have with them because they grow up way too fast!" I think about this all the time! This is what helps me get through the days when my house is a complete disaster and nothing seems to be in order...but my kids are happy! However, on nights like tonight I feel just awful because I know they are all wanting my constant attention and I am just SPENT! I can't get past my frustration and exhaustion enough to entertain them! It is 10 pm so I could just say that their lucky I don't put them to bed like I did the younger two!
SO...I end another day feeling like I haven't accomplished much! Didn't make it to the gym this morning, didn't eat well, forgot my husbands bag, didn't get a chance to pick up food for him, and for cryin out loud, I couldn't even get the internet to work on AJ's computer! Unfortunately, these days seem to be occurring all too often lately! :( Most days I can say that at least my kids are happy...but don't really feel like I can say that today because we didn't really spend any quality time together today! :( May tomorrow be a better day! Maybe tomorrow I'll go BUY a cookie cake!
Today was just another one of those reminders! A reminder that I get, at least, 3 times a week! My older 2 kids have had friends over all week long, which only means my 2 year old is even more demanding for entertainment from me! This morning seemed to start off great! Kids slept in until about 10 am and no friends were coming over! This meant we might get an opportunity to go get some errands done and shop for Fathers Day! I also thought I might try to make AJ's cookie cake for his birthday party tomorrow!
After feeding the kids breakfast, bathing my 2 year old (while the baby fussed in his bed...hoping he would go to sleep but no such luck), helping everyone w/ their needs and demands, I FINALLY was able to get in the shower by about 1:00! By the time I was ready...which never means I get a solid block of time to get ready because it happens in stages when you have constant distractions....it was almost time to get ready to leave for karate classes! We all needed lunch! So I feed the kids lunch, then spoon feed the baby, then grab a quick bite for myself. Just as I realize I have a few last minute things to do, my husband calls and asks me to bring him his bag. After an immediate distraction from my 2 yr old, I forget what it was he needed me to do! As soon as I remember, phone rings again. This time he is asking me to make him something to eat...10 minutes before we need to start loading up the van to go to karate! I tell him we don't have anything in the house that I can fix real quick so I will have to stop and pick something up for him! Well after the 20 minutes it takes to load up the kids and all of the stuff they need, we are finally pulling out of the driveway! I look down and realize my gas light is on! I don't have 2 minutes to spare, much less the 10 that it will take to put gas in my car!
So we get to karate class just in time! After I drop the older 2 off for class...because our 2 year old doesn't allow me to sit and watch (she is a very loud child and extremely energetic...to say the least)...I head to my parents house to pick something up! My dad had picked up a wireless card for the computer he handed down to AJ (my 9 yr old). We told AJ that he had to pay for the wireless card if he wanted Internet on his computer (which he isn't allowed to have in his room - it's in the dining room). So I took my dad AJ's money, got the card, tried to have a conversation w/ my parents while dealing with Ansley (my wild 2 yr old) who kept feeding toys to the dogs, wiped chocolate all over her clothes, and had a very messy diaper! On my way back to the karate center to pick up the kids I started thinking how nice it was going to be to have my husband home early tonight when he called to "remind" me that he had a special boot camp karate class to instruct tonight! There goes that little piece of relief!
Once I pick up the kids, we discussed where we should go to get fathers day gifts! We settled on Target. I often make Target or Wal Mart my place of choice when it comes to shopping because they have carts where I can keep more than one kid confined and they usually have the majority of what I need! Target has the $1.50 popcorn combo (popcorn and a soda). This is a major distraction for Ansley (my 2 yr old)! I can USUALLY get her to sit in the back of the cart w/ her popcorn and put Austin in the front! She fought me on this today, but I made her stay there and she eventually got over it! She is VERY loud, but I have become somewhat numb to it while in public! I just have to let her pitch her fit and ignore the looks I get! We did our best to get through Target as quickly as possible! The trip itself wasn't too bad, even though Ansley kept trying to climb out of the cart and the baby was somewhat fussy...but believe me, that's a good trip to the store! ;)
So when we left it was 7pm...haven't fed the kids dinner yet! Have nothing quick to fix for dinner at home and home was still another 20 minute drive! So we grab chicken sandwiches at chickfila! Baby cries all the way home (off and on), but is happy as a clam as soon as we get home and I pick him up! AJ is anxious to get the Internet hooked up to his computer. I figured this would be a quick install so ...here I go...trying to start a project with all 4 kids practically on top of me! Ansley hardly let 30 seconds go by w/out sitting in my lap! For a solid 45 minutes I tried to get the Internet to connect! I am getting more and more frustrated, the kids are getting more and more frustrated, and finally I say "Forget it!!!" I grab the baby, warm up some food for him, and try to feed him and keep him from crying due to being both hungry and over-tired! Poor baby! While feeding him, Ansley is pulling on my arm, hanging on my leg, and trying to climb in my lap while DEMANDING my undivided attention! Thank goodness for Aleigh and AJ who help me to distract her and get her pajamas on. After getting Austin cleaned up and put in his pajamas, he is more than ready for bed, but wants to nurse. So I try to nurse him while the other 3 are wrestling on the floor and being way too loud! I tell them I am going upstairs to nurse Austin in peace!
I sat in the rocking chair in my room and enjoyed the temporary silence. As I sat there I was FULL of anxiety and frustration! As I looked around my room I saw piles of stuff that was waiting to be organized, an un-made bed, both clean and dirty clothes everywhere, toys and sippy cups that have been dragged in and left on my floor, and baskets full of ribbon and hair bow tools! The ribbon unraveled and hanging out of the baskets, the tools scattered all over my floor (thanks to my little Ansley ;)), and my jewelry everywhere (Ansley's favorite thing to get into)! I can't help but want to sit there and cry because I HONESTLY don't know when I am going to get a chance to sit down and organize things! I start to feel hopeless, like no matter what I do or try to do I just can't seem to escape chaos!
So the baby is fast asleep and I lay him down in his bed. When I get back downstairs the kids are screaming and acting crazy! I know that I have to get, at least, Ansley to bed or I am going to pull my hair out! I tell her that it's time to get ready for bed and she FREAKS OUT! It was beyond ridiculous, so as I tell her that she is showing me that she is ready to go to bed now, I pick her up and carry her to bed! She is screaming as if I were beating her! This, of course, wakes up the baby who I had finally put to bed! I kiss Ansley put her in bed and shut the door. When I get back downstairs all I want to do is sit down...alone...and listen to silence! Instead I have a 6 year old and a 9 year old who literally want to sit on me in the living room chair! I try to gently explain to them that I have had a hard night and need for them to give me a little space and let me get some work done on the computer (so I can blog). This hurts my sons feelings! He goes over to the couch and looks as though he is going to cry! Aleigh sits with him and they start watching tv. So I sit here feeling frustrated, and incredibly guilty! Both babies are upstairs crying in their beds, and the older two sit on the couch feeling rejected by me!
I feel terrible! I wonder why I even try to do anything other than take care of and entertain my kids! How do women do this?! I mean seriously? How do you be both an attentive parent and good housekeeper? I, personally, don't think you can be both! My Aunt gave me some advice while I was pregnant with my first. She said "Don't try to shovel the walk while the snow is still falling! Remember that stuff is just STUFF! Play with your kids, love them, hold them and cherish the time you have with them because they grow up way too fast!" I think about this all the time! This is what helps me get through the days when my house is a complete disaster and nothing seems to be in order...but my kids are happy! However, on nights like tonight I feel just awful because I know they are all wanting my constant attention and I am just SPENT! I can't get past my frustration and exhaustion enough to entertain them! It is 10 pm so I could just say that their lucky I don't put them to bed like I did the younger two!
SO...I end another day feeling like I haven't accomplished much! Didn't make it to the gym this morning, didn't eat well, forgot my husbands bag, didn't get a chance to pick up food for him, and for cryin out loud, I couldn't even get the internet to work on AJ's computer! Unfortunately, these days seem to be occurring all too often lately! :( Most days I can say that at least my kids are happy...but don't really feel like I can say that today because we didn't really spend any quality time together today! :( May tomorrow be a better day! Maybe tomorrow I'll go BUY a cookie cake!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
IN YOUR FACE!
So, our 2 year old has a very strong personality! She is so full of character that you just never can predict what will be next with her!
Recently my husband took her with him to the gym and put her in the child care for an hour. We have never had a problem with her or heard any complaints regarding her behavior. Well, when Joe picked her up on this particular day, the woman working in the child care said that she had to put Ansley in time out for hitting and pushing! This, obviously, upset both Joe and I! However, punishing a child after the fact, when they no longer remember isn't always that effective. So, we talked to her about how hitting and pushing were things we don't do to anyone! It seemed to stick...more than we expected actually!
The next day as we were walking out the door to go to the gym, Ansley said "No hitting, no pushing! I be nice and play!" We were proud of her for remembering w/out us having to remind her! This was over 2 weeks ago and we haven't had any other hitting or pushing episodes!
Well...Ansley LOVES her baby brother (Austin) and wants to do everything for him! We love this, but sometimes it gets exhausting! She wants to feed him when were feeding him, wipe him when he's had a stinky diaper, clean his face and arms AND legs with a thousand wipes, and roll around on the floor with him! Sometimes she gets way too aggressive with him!
On this particular day, I was sitting in the chair while Austin was on the floor near my feet. Ansley comes over and picks up the overalls that I had previously taken off of Austin, throws them over his head and the buckle hit him just right across the eye! He starts crying and I pushed her back, grabbed the overalls and told her "No ma'am! You don't throw things! You hurt Austin!" Well she picks her pointer finger up to my face and shouts "No mommy! No pushing! We no push!!!" Well...what do ya do! She not only remembered, she threw it back in my face!!! I then had to say "We don't push! Thats right, but mommy needed you to move away from Austin! You hurt him! We don't throw things because we can hurt people!" I also explained that she cannot talk to mommy that way! She then repeats "No push me mommy! Push not nice!" AAAGGGHHHH!!! I was stumped! She was right, but she was wrong for hurting Austin! Of course I made her give Austin kisses and hugs and apologize! Can't get anything past her!
Recently my husband took her with him to the gym and put her in the child care for an hour. We have never had a problem with her or heard any complaints regarding her behavior. Well, when Joe picked her up on this particular day, the woman working in the child care said that she had to put Ansley in time out for hitting and pushing! This, obviously, upset both Joe and I! However, punishing a child after the fact, when they no longer remember isn't always that effective. So, we talked to her about how hitting and pushing were things we don't do to anyone! It seemed to stick...more than we expected actually!
The next day as we were walking out the door to go to the gym, Ansley said "No hitting, no pushing! I be nice and play!" We were proud of her for remembering w/out us having to remind her! This was over 2 weeks ago and we haven't had any other hitting or pushing episodes!
Well...Ansley LOVES her baby brother (Austin) and wants to do everything for him! We love this, but sometimes it gets exhausting! She wants to feed him when were feeding him, wipe him when he's had a stinky diaper, clean his face and arms AND legs with a thousand wipes, and roll around on the floor with him! Sometimes she gets way too aggressive with him!
On this particular day, I was sitting in the chair while Austin was on the floor near my feet. Ansley comes over and picks up the overalls that I had previously taken off of Austin, throws them over his head and the buckle hit him just right across the eye! He starts crying and I pushed her back, grabbed the overalls and told her "No ma'am! You don't throw things! You hurt Austin!" Well she picks her pointer finger up to my face and shouts "No mommy! No pushing! We no push!!!" Well...what do ya do! She not only remembered, she threw it back in my face!!! I then had to say "We don't push! Thats right, but mommy needed you to move away from Austin! You hurt him! We don't throw things because we can hurt people!" I also explained that she cannot talk to mommy that way! She then repeats "No push me mommy! Push not nice!" AAAGGGHHHH!!! I was stumped! She was right, but she was wrong for hurting Austin! Of course I made her give Austin kisses and hugs and apologize! Can't get anything past her!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
No Manners = tough consequence!
So, I know everyone picks their battles differently! This seems to be a hard thing for a lot of people to understand! Simply for the fact that someone might allow their child to get away with something that you wouldn't let slide for a second, but freaks out on their kid for something that you might find incredibly silly! What I have learned is that NOBODY knows your child better than you or has to deal w/ your child and their challenges more than you! Well, you might say that isn't so if your child, or someone else's, is in daycare full time! You probably know that every child behaves differently for mommy and daddy. Your challenges with your child might be completely different than the challenges any other provider might have w/ them, especially in an entirely different environment!
I actually used to think that a childs personality and behavior was 100% a product of how parents raise them, then I had my own!I still think parenting and discipline plays a MAJOR role in the outcome of a childs behavior and good/bad habits! With that being said, after having 4 entirely different children, I now know that they are all born w/ their own little personalities! Some of those personalities are much more stubborn than others! I have a couple of kids who, on some days, you would think that their major defeat for the day is to see how far they can push me and how much they can get away with! Well, I will admit that some days I am much more tolerant than others. Even though I know how incredibly important it is to be consistant, I'm not always consistant about everything! There are those days where I have so much to do in such little time, that I let things slide just because I am not entirely focused and I just need for them to stay busy! Then there are those days where I am just TIRED and don't have the energy to pick the battles I know I should probably (and usually do) pick! That's when I know I am going to have to face the consequences of my laziness because they WILL throw it back in my face!
However, manners is NOT one of the things that me or my husband let slide! I have such a hard time when a child, who is old enough to know better, doesn't have decent manners! I am not saying that ever child should say "yes ma'am" or "yes sir" because that, to me, is more of a southern thing. I have offended people from up North or out West by calling them ma'am! I do like it when my kids say "ma'am" or "sir" when I am needing confirmation that they understand me, but do not insist that they answer me with "ma'am." It's the simple manners like "please," "Thank You," "Yes Please," and "No Thank You" that every child needs to know by 5 years old...AT THE LATEST! I cringe when I am with an adult at a resaurant who literally demands things from the server and acts like "that's their job, their here to serve ME!" I literally want to get up from the table and leave it offends me so much! There is no excuse for rudeness! I know how hard it is to be a waiter/waitress and they need to be treated with respect! That goes for anyone who is going out of their way, even in the slightest, to do something nice for you! Both my husband and I feel the exact same way! We want our children to appreciate and respect anyone and everyone no matter what, but especially when they are helping you!
Unfortunately, as much as we remind the kids to say "please" and "thank you" it doesn't quite seem to stick w/ some as well as others! Since we had our 1st child we have continued to be very consistant when it comes to implementing manners and being polite! Once they learn manners, its almost as if you have to teach them, all over again, to say it with sincerity...EVEN if someone is giving you something you don't really want! The fact is, someone thought of you and wanted to give you something...NO MATTER WHAT IT IS! This has hasn't been the easiest concept for one to grasp and has caused quite a bit of frustration for us, to say the least! We really thought this child of ours was getting so much better about it, and for the most part, really has improved, but when your given something by a random stranger and you don't say "Thank You" even with a reminder...we have an issue! Especially when the individual was a child who had won a couple of stuffed animals out of a claw machine and chose my children to give them to!
So we feel like were back at square one! After a punishment of a week on restriction and a long discussion on how it probably made that sweet little boy feel to be so excited to share a stuffed animal with a stranger, only to not even recieve as much as a Thank You, we hope that this won't happen again!
So you see, I might not discipline my kids harshly for making messes, jumping on the bed, or running around the house and playing wild...because their kids...but I do feel like there are very important things that should become second nature to them...like MANNERS! What kids don't realize is that we also get punished by their poor choices!
Although this is just one of the battles that we (my husband and I) choose to pick as parents, this might not be as big of a deal to others. To us, it's a big deal!
I actually used to think that a childs personality and behavior was 100% a product of how parents raise them, then I had my own!I still think parenting and discipline plays a MAJOR role in the outcome of a childs behavior and good/bad habits! With that being said, after having 4 entirely different children, I now know that they are all born w/ their own little personalities! Some of those personalities are much more stubborn than others! I have a couple of kids who, on some days, you would think that their major defeat for the day is to see how far they can push me and how much they can get away with! Well, I will admit that some days I am much more tolerant than others. Even though I know how incredibly important it is to be consistant, I'm not always consistant about everything! There are those days where I have so much to do in such little time, that I let things slide just because I am not entirely focused and I just need for them to stay busy! Then there are those days where I am just TIRED and don't have the energy to pick the battles I know I should probably (and usually do) pick! That's when I know I am going to have to face the consequences of my laziness because they WILL throw it back in my face!
However, manners is NOT one of the things that me or my husband let slide! I have such a hard time when a child, who is old enough to know better, doesn't have decent manners! I am not saying that ever child should say "yes ma'am" or "yes sir" because that, to me, is more of a southern thing. I have offended people from up North or out West by calling them ma'am! I do like it when my kids say "ma'am" or "sir" when I am needing confirmation that they understand me, but do not insist that they answer me with "ma'am." It's the simple manners like "please," "Thank You," "Yes Please," and "No Thank You" that every child needs to know by 5 years old...AT THE LATEST! I cringe when I am with an adult at a resaurant who literally demands things from the server and acts like "that's their job, their here to serve ME!" I literally want to get up from the table and leave it offends me so much! There is no excuse for rudeness! I know how hard it is to be a waiter/waitress and they need to be treated with respect! That goes for anyone who is going out of their way, even in the slightest, to do something nice for you! Both my husband and I feel the exact same way! We want our children to appreciate and respect anyone and everyone no matter what, but especially when they are helping you!
Unfortunately, as much as we remind the kids to say "please" and "thank you" it doesn't quite seem to stick w/ some as well as others! Since we had our 1st child we have continued to be very consistant when it comes to implementing manners and being polite! Once they learn manners, its almost as if you have to teach them, all over again, to say it with sincerity...EVEN if someone is giving you something you don't really want! The fact is, someone thought of you and wanted to give you something...NO MATTER WHAT IT IS! This has hasn't been the easiest concept for one to grasp and has caused quite a bit of frustration for us, to say the least! We really thought this child of ours was getting so much better about it, and for the most part, really has improved, but when your given something by a random stranger and you don't say "Thank You" even with a reminder...we have an issue! Especially when the individual was a child who had won a couple of stuffed animals out of a claw machine and chose my children to give them to!
So we feel like were back at square one! After a punishment of a week on restriction and a long discussion on how it probably made that sweet little boy feel to be so excited to share a stuffed animal with a stranger, only to not even recieve as much as a Thank You, we hope that this won't happen again!
So you see, I might not discipline my kids harshly for making messes, jumping on the bed, or running around the house and playing wild...because their kids...but I do feel like there are very important things that should become second nature to them...like MANNERS! What kids don't realize is that we also get punished by their poor choices!
Although this is just one of the battles that we (my husband and I) choose to pick as parents, this might not be as big of a deal to others. To us, it's a big deal!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Competing For Noise!
So even with 3 DVD players and 4 screens in my van I still hear crying, screaming, and arguing! Forget ever hearing the radio! I don't think I could name a single top 40 hit right now if I tried! It's as though there is this underlying agreement between my 4 kids that as long as all of them are in the van at the same time...make mommy crazy! If I only have 1, 2 or sometimes even 3 kids in the van there is silence...other than the sound of their DVD players, but put all 4 in and complete chaos!
So today, after I picked up my older two from Karate class, we headed out on our 25 minute drive home...here in the south 25 minutes isn't considered to be much of a drive! My 7 month old just decided he was going to scream as loud as he possibly could for no other reason, other than he wanted to be held! After listening to him for 5 minutes, by 2 year old decided she wanted out of her carseat and NOW! She starts screaming "Out momma out! whaaaaaa!!!!" Then AJ is yelling at Ansley to be quiet and stop screaming! All the while I am trying to talk to my mom on the phone! How my mom didn't just hang up or even gently let me go, is beyond me! She must have been enjoying the sounds of payback! Two minutes before we pulled into the driveway...silence! I probably should have kept driving...
I guess the miserable car ride wasn't enough! When we got home I realized it was time for Austin's bath. I had to use the restroom first, so i set him down and had to hear him scream while I used the bathroom and then to fill his tub! As I am filling his tub and he is screaming, Ansley trips over my flat iron cord and falls on her face, so now she is screaming! Once I get Austin in the tub he starts crying again (not sure why because he loves his bath), then Ansley screams and cries because she wants to help bathe Austin! FINALLY, after Austin's bath, I hear no whining...for all of 30 seconds! AJ happened to be laying on the floor behind Aleigh when she decided to throw her head back and slam it into his cheek bone(it was accidental)! He immediately reacts by slamming her head down and pushing all of his weight on her head! Now I have ALL 4 kids crying because two are hurt, I am scolding AJ for reacting the way he did to an accident but still trying to comfort him because he is hurt...but Aleigh's hurt too, Austin is tired, hungry, and wanting to be held, and Ansley decides I need to be holding her as well! I froze and we all sat on the floor of AJ's bedroom until everyone pulled it together....including me!
I finally get everyone downstairs, look at the clock, and realize it's 7:30 and we haven't had dinner...haven't even thought about dinner or the fact that we have no food in the house! I was grateful to spot a pizza coupon for a large pizza for only$6.99! I call and order the pizza and opt to pick it up since it's right around the corner and cheaper than delivery. Then I go to feed Austin, he falls asleep! Now how...and WHY would I wake him up to go pick up a pizza just around the corner?! I choose to put him in his bed and call the pizza place to change it from carryout to delivery. FINALLY...I can sit down w/ the kids and wait for our dinner to knock on the door! Pizza arrives, I set a plate out for the kids, grab a plate for me, serve drinks, and THE SECOND I sit down...Austin is screaming! FORGET ABOUT IT! This little baby boy of mine is usually SUCH a wonderful and pleasant baby...WHAT IS HIS DEAL today?! I was hungry, tired, frustrated, and incredibly overwhelmed when I realized Austin was going to be difficult no matter what I did...unless I was holding him. So, after knowing he was well fed, changed and had no other issue other than having to be incredibly tired...I layed him in his bed...he cried, but eventually went to sleep!
I am so tired, and should go to bed but I feel as though I have to sit here and enjoy the fact that my time is MY TIME right now...don't want to waste it by sleeping when I can watch my shows, read, catch up on emails, do online research....or blog!
So today, after I picked up my older two from Karate class, we headed out on our 25 minute drive home...here in the south 25 minutes isn't considered to be much of a drive! My 7 month old just decided he was going to scream as loud as he possibly could for no other reason, other than he wanted to be held! After listening to him for 5 minutes, by 2 year old decided she wanted out of her carseat and NOW! She starts screaming "Out momma out! whaaaaaa!!!!" Then AJ is yelling at Ansley to be quiet and stop screaming! All the while I am trying to talk to my mom on the phone! How my mom didn't just hang up or even gently let me go, is beyond me! She must have been enjoying the sounds of payback! Two minutes before we pulled into the driveway...silence! I probably should have kept driving...
I guess the miserable car ride wasn't enough! When we got home I realized it was time for Austin's bath. I had to use the restroom first, so i set him down and had to hear him scream while I used the bathroom and then to fill his tub! As I am filling his tub and he is screaming, Ansley trips over my flat iron cord and falls on her face, so now she is screaming! Once I get Austin in the tub he starts crying again (not sure why because he loves his bath), then Ansley screams and cries because she wants to help bathe Austin! FINALLY, after Austin's bath, I hear no whining...for all of 30 seconds! AJ happened to be laying on the floor behind Aleigh when she decided to throw her head back and slam it into his cheek bone(it was accidental)! He immediately reacts by slamming her head down and pushing all of his weight on her head! Now I have ALL 4 kids crying because two are hurt, I am scolding AJ for reacting the way he did to an accident but still trying to comfort him because he is hurt...but Aleigh's hurt too, Austin is tired, hungry, and wanting to be held, and Ansley decides I need to be holding her as well! I froze and we all sat on the floor of AJ's bedroom until everyone pulled it together....including me!
I finally get everyone downstairs, look at the clock, and realize it's 7:30 and we haven't had dinner...haven't even thought about dinner or the fact that we have no food in the house! I was grateful to spot a pizza coupon for a large pizza for only$6.99! I call and order the pizza and opt to pick it up since it's right around the corner and cheaper than delivery. Then I go to feed Austin, he falls asleep! Now how...and WHY would I wake him up to go pick up a pizza just around the corner?! I choose to put him in his bed and call the pizza place to change it from carryout to delivery. FINALLY...I can sit down w/ the kids and wait for our dinner to knock on the door! Pizza arrives, I set a plate out for the kids, grab a plate for me, serve drinks, and THE SECOND I sit down...Austin is screaming! FORGET ABOUT IT! This little baby boy of mine is usually SUCH a wonderful and pleasant baby...WHAT IS HIS DEAL today?! I was hungry, tired, frustrated, and incredibly overwhelmed when I realized Austin was going to be difficult no matter what I did...unless I was holding him. So, after knowing he was well fed, changed and had no other issue other than having to be incredibly tired...I layed him in his bed...he cried, but eventually went to sleep!
I am so tired, and should go to bed but I feel as though I have to sit here and enjoy the fact that my time is MY TIME right now...don't want to waste it by sleeping when I can watch my shows, read, catch up on emails, do online research....or blog!
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